Selflessly Selfish
by Klutzygirl33
Summary: Spoilers up to "Shadows". Jemma hates herself for deciding to leave, but it's the best course of action for her and Fitz.


**I don't own SHIELD and never will. No copyright infringement intended.**

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><p>Fitz had woken up two months previously and there's still no improvement at all. He's still seeing hallucinations of Jemma – which led to her cutting her hair to differentiate between them – and nothing she's doing is helping. So after sneaking out of the lab again – leaving May to watch over him – Jemma falls apart in the bathroom. She knows Skye wants to help her but she's dealing with her own issues and she doesn't want to bother anyone else. She can handle this just fine (she's starting to believe it). It's just a bump in the road and they'll find their way out of the darkness soon. But deep down, Jemma doesn't believe that because she knows she's not helping Fitz. It's clear as day that she's only making things worse for him, and that's when an idea begins to bloom. Maybe if she leaves, Fitz will start to recover. And as much as she hates herself for thinking it, Jemma needs to be selfish and think of her own needs for once. She decides to bring it up to May first since she knows (hopes) the older woman will be supportive. "So what do you think?" asks Jemma once she's done explaining her plan about two hours later.<p>

Melinda wants to tell her not to go, that all they need her, but Jemma has some very good points she cannot ignore. She sighs. "Jemma, you know what's best for you and you do what you need to do for yourself. There's nothing wrong with you wanting to leave. Do you want me to talk to Coulson?" She'll do it if the biochemist needs her to.

Jemma shakes her head. "I'll tell Coulson … and Fitz myself. I don't want to put all of this on you, May. That's not fair." She knows the woman has enough on her plate already and doesn't want to stress her out even further. They're all falling apart at the seams (including Ward but she doesn't like to think about him) and it's not healthy.

Melinda surprises even herself when she pulls the younger girl in for a hug. "My only stipulation is that you call once a month so I don't worry. I need to know you're safe."

Jemma melts into the embrace. "I can work with that." After a few minutes of this, she reluctantly steps back and prepares herself to go to Coulson's office. At least he's back at the base for the time being so she doesn't have to wait to talk to him. "I'll be right back."

"Do you need me to go with you?" Melinda is sure that Jemma needs the support and she will be there as much as possible. None of these kids have to suffer (they are and she hates that it's out of her hands).

Jemma sighs. "No thank you. I can handle this myself." She stops for a second. "Can you please go with me when I talk to Fitz?" She was worried about her best friend's reaction to this the most. Skye's probably going to be upset too but she's hoping that her friend will understand.

Coulson looks up when she knocks on the door and walks in. "Hello, Simmons. Is something wrong with Fitz? You look upset?" The director frowns as he awaits a response.

"No, there's nothing wrong with Fitz. But I've decided to leave and head back to London. I can work there." She wants to be home and not have to worry about Talbot or the rest of the government trying to find them to lock them up in prison.

"Of course you can go – I don't want you to leave but I won't stop you. However, what's the real reason, Simmons? It does have something to do with Fitz?"

She nods. "He's not improving and I think he will once I'm gone. He keeps seeing a hallucination of me and it hurts, Director Coulson. I am hopeful that I will be able to settle down once I'm gone and think about the future and what needs to be done." Jemma hopes she doesn't sound cold but it's all she can do to keep from falling apart again.

"If that's what you think will help. We'll find another doctor to stay here on base – maybe they can be there for all of us – and take care of Fitz, see to his needs."

"Thank you, Sir." Jemma smiles, says her goodbyes, and then heads to the lab with Melinda in tow.

"Just tell me if I need to step in. Promise me, Jemma," Melinda orders. She's not going to let either of them get hurt although it's a little too late for that.

Jemma can't help her reaction when she sees Fitz working on something and talking to himself again. She tears up and has to put her head on Melinda's shoulder for a few minutes to calm back down. "I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize, baby girl. I'm right here, okay? Don't panic." Melinda squeezes her hand and holds it as Jemma prepares to talk to Fitz.

"Fitz, can you please look at me?"

Fitz stops mumbling and looks up. "I can't find it and nothing is… is… is… helping," he tells her angrily.

"Well, I'm sure we'll find it. I have to tell you something." Jemma is so grateful that Melinda is still holding her hand. She straightens herself up and tries to appear stronger than she really is. "I'm going back home to London," she finally reveals.

Fitz looks confused. "Am I going with you?" He doesn't understand why she's leaving.

She looks down at her feet for a few seconds before answering. "No, you're staying here on the Playground. But the others – May, Skye, Trip, Coulson, and Mack – they're going to assist you with whatever you need. And I'll call whenever I can. I just want you to get better. That's your number one priority."

He goes back to mumbling to himself again, clearly upset, and Jemma flees the room, Melinda following her all the way. She isn't surprised when the biochemist flings herself on the bed and begins to sob so she lies down next to her and pulls the younger girl into her arms. She kisses the top of Jemma's head. "We've hit rock bottom but we can go only up from here, Jemma. Keep that in mind."

Jemma leaves the next day after saying her goodbyes to Trip and Skye. Walking away is one of the worst decisions she's ever made but she knows it's the right one. As she prepares to start a new life – one without Fitz, and God that hurts, she tries to think on the bright side. She will see them all again someday. This is only temporary.


End file.
